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 An Unyielding Ambivalent Look at God
Dillard, through this book (PTC), slickly cajoles us tojoin her revel, in the open, unabashedly, in one of our more disavowed addictions, god-watching. That indulgence most of us yielded to but never admitted falling into, not unlike that of heroin. Like a true addict, Annie could not bridle herself from seeing God in everything. God, she asserts, is "apt to create anything. He'll stop at nothing." And, too, like a stoned addict, she walks dazed not knowing why "if God is in one sense, the igniter, a fireball that spins over the ground of continents, God is also in another sense the destroyer, lightning, blind power, impartial as the atmosphere." Here smokes out what I could only insolently call as Dillard's uncommitted ethics. No one, she seems convinced, could relate to God but through ambivalence. God, to her senses, is real beyond any argument. " I smelled silt on the wind, turkey, laundry, leaves... my God what a world. There is no accounting for one second of it." But God, to her mind, is at best inscrutable, most incomprehensible that ambivalence is the only way to understand him. Thus, amidst the beauty she is wallowing in, she, at the same time, is compelled to lament, "God look at what you have done to this creature, look at the sorrow, the cruelty, the long damned waste." Fjording through the psychedelic thick of Dillard's language, one finds her refreshingly unwavering, resolved to remain still and inhale as much God from nature around her. But, unlike the true ethicist, she equivocates, hedging the more substantive tension; either to just remain gawking or rather to stand up, no matter how groggy one easily gets during such times, and have one's say as to how things ought to be. Must have come only from her unflinching yet spaced-out look at her ambivalent God. Jude E. Ganzon (moks123@hotmail.com), Manila,
Annie Dillard writes with fearsome clarity and complexity. She does cover controversial ideas like, pristine beauty inter-tangled with violence within nature; some people might find that offensive. I personally think most people should read this book at some point in their lifetime, but only if they are willing and ready. If exploration, and inquisitiveness are your forte this book is for you. If this doesnt describe you don't read it, because you might find it confusing and not to the point.
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I remember reading this book as a young girl and how it changed my perception about everything--a true epiphany. I have a great love for Thoreau as well, but Annie's style of prose makes her experiences both accessible and personal to readers of all ages.
